You were caught completely off guard. How could you have seen this coming? How didn’t you see this coming?
You were so happy… or so you thought.
What went wrong? Who’s to blame? Is there something you could’ve done differently?
One minute, you felt like you had a good grasp on your life. And the next minute, you discover your partner was unfaithful.
Here are 5 tools to heal from infidelity.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel
You’re probably feeling a mixture of emotions right now. You may be surprised, shocked, angry, bitter, sad, heartbroken, frustrated, and more. You may even feel relieved that you found out or ashamed that you didn’t find out sooner. Every single one of these emotions is okay. They’re all expected and completely normal. Allow yourself to feel all of those emotions, even the painful ones. No one expects you to be strong right now. You shouldn’t expect that out of yourself, either. If you keep burying those feelings deep, down inside of yourself, you’ll never be able to truly process and deal with them.
2. Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
Infidelity may cause you to feel like your life is spiraling out of control. It can be a lot to deal with, especially if it is unexpected and catches you off guard. Try not to put your own needs to the side while you’re working through everything. Make sure you’re not skipping meals. You need to fuel your body properly to make sure you can get through each day. Aim to eat between three to five meals a day. Also, make sure you’re prioritizing your sleep. Your thoughts may be racing at night, making it more difficult to fall or stay asleep during the night. Try to create a sleep schedule or routine and stick with it to get at least eight hours each night.
3. Talk to Your Partner
When you’re ready, set a time to talk to your partner about what happened. Set a time limit and come back to it later if needed. If you want to work through the affair and be together again, you have to ensure this won’t continue to control your entire life or your relationship moving forward. Ask any questions you may have. If you have any worries, speak up. You want to make sure you put everything out in the open, so it doesn’t eat away at you. Talk things out and get all of the answers you’re looking for. Let them know how this has affected you as well.
4. Take the Time to Figure Things Out
Try not to make any rushed or hasty decisions that are based solely on your feelings. You need to take the time to process and figure things out. Cheating is never okay, and you deserve better than that. But you need to work within yourself and with your partner to see if your relationship is worth it. Is it worth saving? Take the necessary amount of time to process how you’re feeling and decide how you want to move forward if and when you’re ready. Only forgive if that’s what you really want, and you know this situation won’t happen again.
5. Seek Additional Support
An outside third party may be exactly what you and your partner need when dealing with infidelity. A therapist will be able to provide a new perspective on your relationship. They’ll be able to work with you in a safe and neutral environment to work through any issues that may arise.